Tuesday, June 7, 2011

On A Long Lonely Highway

There are few things in this world that I love more than practical jokes. There are times when I will plan a practical joke but most of them aren't planned. Situation's just present themselves and I just can't resist taking full advantage of that situation. I will share some of my other pranks in the future, but here is one of my favorites.

About 2 years after I graduated high school I decided to move to Kansas City with a friend of mine. He was originally from KC but had moved down here right after high school to live with his dad and go to college. We met at work about 6 months after he moved here and became fast friends. He went to college for about a year and decided that he liked the party aspect of college more than the school part.

He would go back to KC to visit his mom and friends and after awhile he decided that he wanted to move back and asked me if I wanted to go. I had gone back with him several times and had even been offered a job there at one of the malls as a security guard. I had never lived anywhere else but Kansas. Strike that. I had never lived anywhere but Mulvane KS. A little town of about 2000 people. AND we lived out in the country, so the idea of moving to a big city sounded exciting and interesting. Being young and full of piss and vinegar I decided "what the hell".

Our plan was to get jobs, live with his mom for a few months, then get an apartment. I got the job at the mall during the day and then at a club at night. The idea was going good until it came time for the apartment. He decided that he wanted to stay with his mom. I couldn't really afford an apartment on my own and since I was still new to the area and didn't really know anyone else, I moved back to Wichita.

Before I moved back though we would come back home every couple of weeks or so, me to see my parents, him, his dad. We would get in late Friday and leave late Sunday getting in around 1am-2am. I was the one with the better car so I was the one to drive.

It was on one of these late night returns home that a situation arose that I couldn't resist.

It had been a long weekend. I had come home and visited my parents and ended up doing a lot of chores around the home to help my dad. Saturday night was, of course, reserved for going out to the bars and hanging out with our friends. Sunday was more chores and by the time it was time to leave I was beat. He was supposed to help with the driving but he had spent the day watching football and drinking beer with his dad so by the time I picked him up he was in no shape to drive.

I was a little ticked about having to do all of the driving. It's not that far, about 3 hours, but being that late and me being exhausted, it would have been nice to have the relief driver.

We were booking down the turnpike and he was asleep with his head resting against the passenger window. He looked like a bobble head doll. I would swerve and jerk the wheel back and it would make him hit his head against the window. I know it was mean but it was funny and it kept me from falling asleep. He would start snoring and I would swerve. His head would thump and he would wake up and curse. I'd laugh. So for several miles *swerve* *thump* *shit*, *swerve* *thump* *damn*, and on and on. He finally shifted his head to the left thus ending my amusement.

We were about 20 miles west of Emporia KS when the situation presented itself. We were going along and I noticed a semi ahead of us. As we got closer I noticed that it was a semi tow truck and he was towing a semi. An idea quickly formed in my devious mind.

He was about half asleep. More of a heavy dose and had just start to snore again. I pulled up behind the semi truck so that we were about a car length away. Since the semi being towed was facing backwards it looked like it was coming right at us. I waited for a few seconds then let out a blood curtling scream followed by "OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE".

He shot up, saw the semi "coming" straight at us, started screaming at the top of his lungs and immediately peed his pants. I kept screaming with him and it took about 30 seconds before he realized that we were still alive and that, for some reason, the semi in front of us never got any closer. It took a couple more minutes for him to get his heart straightened out. He sobered up real quick and after a few seconds finally realized what he was seeing. I was laughing so hard that I was crying and had to pull over to the side of the road. I was still laughing my butt off when he realized that he'd peed his pants.

We still had about 20 miles to go and, for obvious reasons, all he could do was complain about having to sit in a wet seat. He was beyond the shock stage and was converting to the madder than hell stage. By the time we got to Emporia though he was starting to calm down. He was still ranting about the pants but he was starting to see the humor of it all.

We had our suitcases so I stopped at the truck stop in Emporia so that he could go in and change. Luckily they had some towels for sale so I bought one to throw in the seat. They had a car wash there so I hit the seat with the vacuum and threw a towel in the seat. It cost me a few bucks the next day at the regular car wash to get the seat shampooed but it was well worth it.

For some reason, he never fell asleep in the car with me again.


  1. LOL that was good.

  2. OMG!!! roy, you get funnier all the time!! :D that's an AWESOME prank!!