Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Late Night Stroll

Since I have gotten stuck on the topic of practical jokes I thought I would share another one. I am bringing back an earlier victim from one of my pranks. I didn't mention a name in my earlier blog, but I am referring to him as "Bob". He is that star of my blog "On A Long Lonely Highway". This incident took place before the other prank, and little did I know that it was going to set a precedent.

We worked together for a while at a store in Towne East Square in Wichita and eventually moved on to different jobs. That didn't stop or slow the friendship any, we still hung out all the time, double dating etc. 

Back when we were hanging out, Tom Cruise was just starting to make it big in the movies. The Outsiders and Risky Business were making their cinematic rounds at the theaters. Girls of all ages were swooning and screaming and vowing their undying love for him. Luckily for me, well luckier for Bob, but being best friend and all I got residual action, Bob was a DEAD RINGER for Tom Cruise. He had the hair, the smile, the walk and the attitude. Even my mother called him her silver tongued son because this boy had more game than Michael Jordan and could sweet talk a nun out of her habit. He was such a look alike that he would get mobbed at the malls by girls asking for autographs. Especially when he had his RayBan's on.

I don't know know why but I love cemeteries. I used to drive by and get out and just walk around different cemeteries. I love to walk around and look at the headstones, seeing what is written on them and curious about the history of the people.
I was driving home from work one Friday evening. I was on eastbound on Kellogg in Wichita. Kellogg, or highway 54, is the main highway that runs east/west through Wichita. They have done construction on this highway every day of every year for the past 40 years (and maybe even before then). But back in the 80's it was a 4-lane highway (using the term lightly) and had a grass median. It had a flimsy fence that didn't do anything to keep people from crossing the highway.

As you go east from downtown Wichita, at about Hillside, there is an old cemetery. It is on the south side of the highway and there is a frontage road that runs between it and the highway and there is an access road on the west side of it. They still use the cemetery but some of the headstones date back to the early 1800's. I had walked around it several times because it has some interesting old headstones in it.

It was a nice day and I had some time to waste so I decided to do a drive through. As I drove in I noticed that there was a backhoe digging a new grave. I was kind of surprised to see it out there that late. It was after 4pm and I always thought that they usually took care of digging the graves earlier in the day. I saw the backhoe driver get out of the cab and so I pulled over and talked to him for a minute. He confirmed what I thought. They were having a service Saturday morning and they weren't going to be able to do it in the morning so they were digging it today.

A plan started to formulate.

Bob and I had a double date scheduled for that night. The girls that we were dating were best friends and I was good friends with Bob's girlfriend as well. My girlfriend, her best friend, was usually at the her house and so I would call her and the three of us would make plans for the weekends.

We were each matched up rather well. My girlfriend and I liked the same things and the same for Bob and his girlfriend. One of the few areas that we were opposite on though was cemeteries. I liked them, Bob didn't. His girlfriend liked them but mine didn't.

I called over to Bob's girlfriend and both of the girls were there. I hoped that they were so that I could explain to both of them what my idea was. I wanted to put this plan together with them so that I could prank Bob. I went over everything with them, ironing out all of the details and by the time I got done they were both totally on board.

Bob and I had planned to take the girls out to eat and then go to the movies. After the movies we were going to go out to the clubs for a while. On the way home we were going to drive past the cemetery and the girls were going to suggest going in and doing a late night stroll. We had to drive past the cemetery on our way to take the girls home anyway so going by there wasn't a red flag.

So here we were. It was about 3am and we were pulling into the cemetery. I was designated driver and Bob was well toasted. The girls had had a few drinks but weren't real drunk.

I had told the girls where the new grave was. I had drawn a crude map and went over it with them at dinner when Bob went to the bathroom and any other time that he was away from us. When we got into the cemetery, I drove by it. It was a couple of rows back from the road but by using a few keywords I was able to show them where it was at. I knew from talking to the backhoe operator that there was not going to be a tent up over it. They had done that before and people kept stealing the tents so they just left it open.

The idea was for us to all to start out walking together. The girls were then going to walk ahead of us and I suggest to Bob that we split up and scare the girls. He was a little hesitant at first but the more I went on about scaring the girls and so on the more he got into it. He went one way and I went the other. The moon is almost full but we had a couple of flashlights. The girls had one and I had the other one.

Little did he know what was in store.

We ran around for a bit scaring the girls, playing tag, horsing around, etc. then we would split up again. After about 10 minutes of this I gave the girls the signal. I ran over to the area of the open grave and when Bob wasn't looking I jumped in and started waiting.

I was hiding in the grave and I could hear Bob and girls screaming and laughing. I heard them running all around and after a minute or so I took a peak up over the edge of the grave and saw them running my way. I stooped down in the grave a little bit and waited for them to run past. Just then I heard the girls run past, one on each side of the grave. I hear this noise above me and Bob falls right in the grave. Right beside me.

I stood up, turned my flashlight on and held it under my chin. With my face shadowed by the flashlight, I reached out and grabbed a hold of his shoulder and let out real loud bellowing RRRAAAAWWWWRRRRRR BWAAHAHAHAHAHAA.

He started screaming at the top of his lungs and peed his pants. His eyes literally bugged out of his head and his hair stood on end. He reminded me of Shaggy on Scooby Doo.

I have never seen anyone jump so high in my life. He jumped flat footed all the way out of the grave. His feet were running before he even landed on the ground. Kind of like holding a dog above bathwater.  He landed at the edge of the grave and took off running across the cemetery. He was hurdling headstones and anything else that got in his way. He cleared both of the fences separating the highway from the cemetery, ran all the way across the highway and cleared the fence on the other side.

He was clear on the other side of the highway before I could even got out of the grave. Course I was laughing so hard I could hardly climb out. He was over there for about 5 minutes and we were yelling back and forth before he would finally come back over.

He finally came back and was standing beside the car before he realized that he peed his pants. Now if you have read my other blog, you will remember that this is the same reaction he had in the other one. I don't know if my pranks were that scary or if he just had a weak bladder. I think it may have been a combination of both. Course him being drunk both times probably didn't help much. But either way he was not happy.

We finally got our dates home and he woke his dad up with the shower when we got over to his house. I thought his dad was going to have a stroke when we told him what happened.

He would even re-tell the story but always denied the peeing of the pants.