Sunday, January 13, 2013

Does this toga make my butt look nice?

Most of the time, being my size is really cool. Being tall has a lot of advantages Being very tall has a few more. But the disadvantages of my size are really bad. The worst of which is just the toll that it takes on my joints etc. But one of the biggest disadvantages is trying to find clothes. And the expense of said clothes. Take socks for example. It cost me about $15.00 a pair for my socks. 1 pair. Not a package of 12, 1 pair. My shoe's--17EEEE. Julie, bless her heart, got me a pair of slippers for Christmas. She thought they would be big enough, size 16, but they were to tight across the top of my foot and I couldn't even get them halfway on. So I took them back the day after Christmas and traded then for a pair of sweat pants. They had a sale on the sweats if you bought 2 pairs so I did. Of course they didn't have them in stock but promised to have them out in 3-5 days. Well they were back ordered. I got a call a couple of days later telling me that they would be here on the 8th. The 8th came and nothing. So I called and was told that they wouldn't get here until the 12th. Luckily they came in on Friday. Unfortunately they sent me the WRONG sweats. These things were lightweight workout pants that were see through. Yeah...Those of you that know me; Close your eyes and imagine THIS, all of me, in see through sweat pants. And no you can't send me the therapy bills. When I called the company they told me that what was supposed to have been ordered doesn't even come in my size. Pisses me off. I really wish I could just buy my clothes off the rack and not have to fight to find stuff to wear.

My biggest hurdle is jeans. They have always been hard to find and because of that I had to wear dress slacks to school as a kid. Quite the fashion statement. Now, I wear a size 54X40 pant. 54 waist, 40" inseam. Again, those that know me realize that for me, that's pretty proprtionate. A 54" waist on someone 7'4" is a lot different than one on someone 5'9". And that's the problem. The manufactures seem to feel that the bigger your waist, the shorter your legs. They will make jeans with a 75 inch waist but with only 30 inch inseams!!. It seems, according to the clothing manufacturers, that there is a mass population of very short, extremely fat people walking around the earth. These people would literally be round. Imagine the blueberry girl for Willy Wonka.

Over the years I would find a random pair of jeans that would fit. Not always the best fit, sometimes a little shorter than I preferred, a lot of times I had to get them unhemmed but I was actually able to have A single pair of jeans to wear occasionally. About 10 years ago I finally found a place that made jeans in my size. I . WAS. ESTATIC. I had jeans. Real jeans. They fit, they were long enough. They were comfortable. I felt, for once, like a normal person. I bought about 6 pairs. That's all I could afford. They have lasted me all this time but unfortunately they have all decided to fall apart at the same time. Every single pair has been patched and re-patched, sewed and re-sewed.  So I finally decided that it was time to buy new jeans. Therein lies the problem. The only place that I could get my jeans through decided to quit making my them. I had one place, literally, in the whole world that I could get them through and they decided to quit making them. And whats just too funny? There was an article in the Buyers Edge newspaper the other day where the columnist was complaining about a recent clothes buying trip.
She wrote that she went jeans shopping, tried on 9 pairs of jeans, got discouraged, and went home. She complained about the length, the waist, the hips, the color or that the pockets sag. She complained that the manufacturer's needed to realize that not all women are built alike. Oh BOO FREAKING HOO. Cry me a damn river. Do you need some cheese with that whine? At least you had over 9 pairs of jeans to look at. I'd shit golden Twinkies to be able to find ONE style let alone 9. At least you can go to ANY store and find something that fits. I know, I know, I've heard it before. "They make big clothes and shoes for the basketball players and football players. Shaq wore a size 22 and he got shoes." And they do. But if your not a celebrity and can't afford to spend thousands of dollars on clothes then your not important. Example. A couple of years ago Reebok came out with their Zig series of shoes. They were supposed to offer the best support of any tennis shoe and they had made a pair of shoes for the tallest man in the world. So I started calling. For 3 days I tried talking to Reebok, seeing what I needed to do to get a pair of these shoes. I finally talked to someone in the special promotions and corporate sales division. Their answer? Oh well we only make custom and special sizes for professional athletes, celebrities, etc. Basically anything that they can get some type of publicity from. But us average citizens? We're shit out of luck. I was just shocked. It didn't matter if I could afford the shoes, they just didn't make them available for the general public. Doesn't matter that they can and that they DO make those shoes in my size EVERY DAY, they just refuse to allow the general public to purchase them.

So while this woman complains about her pockets sagging, I need to find someone from Greece to teach me how to tie a toga.