Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Milk, Ice cream and other STUFF

Now that I have the blog up and running I want to start sharing some stories from my life. Some are going to be funny, others sad and yet others that will make you ponder and wonder.

This is one of my favorite stories.

It was 1996 and I was recently separated and mid divorce from my ex-wife. Chance was about 2 1/2 yrs old and we were living in a little condo apartment out by Central and Anna.

It was an awkward time because, as anyone who has been through a divorce knows, it is a transition period. Chance was still very confused, as was I, about the whole thing. I was still trying to get used to being a single dad and he was still trying to get used to his mom not being around everyday. 

Anyway, it was Sunday and it had been a really nice summer day. Chance and I had been out running around, going out to the mall, park, etc. We came home, ate dinner and had finished off the last of the milk. It was still nice out and dinner was over so I decided to take Chance out for ice cream. So off we tripped to Braums. We got there just ahead of the evening "after church" group. As we were standing in line a steady stream of customers were coming through the door, all dressed in their Sunday best. Chance and I ordered our ice cream and took a seat near the back of the store. We sat there, ate our ice cream and talked about the fun that we had that day.

I finished up my ice cream and decided to go up and get the milk. Chance was busy with his ice cream so I went up, go the milk and proceeded to wait in line. As I'm waiting there talking to the person behind me the clerk grabs my milk and starts checking me out when all of a sudden I heard; "DAAADDDYYYY.....daddydaddy, dad, dad, dadDY...DDDAADDDDYYYY, I GOTTA GO POOPOOOO!!!!!  POOOOPOOOOO, DADDDY, daddydaddy, I GOTTA GOOOO POOPOOOO".

Immediately every ones eyes turn to see where the cry of POO POO is coming from. I didn't have to wonder, I KNEW where the cry was coming from. It was Chance. (This is where you need to close your eyes and visualize). I looked over towards where we were sitting and I see Chance trucking through the store, past all of the full tables, winding around all of the people walking past, with his PANTS down around his ankles. He's got both arms working, one arm is holding his shirt up, butt shaking and waddling along, not a care in the world, yelling as loud as he can.."DAAAADDDDYYYYYY, I GOTTA GO POOPPOOO, DADDY, daddydaddy, daDDY, POOPPOOO. Cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

Every eye in the place is glued to Chance. After a few seconds they all start looking around to see who the lucky parent is. The clerk stopped checking and I looked at him and said "ya wanna hurry up, the kids gotta go. Actually just hold on and I'll be right back."

I run to Chance, who in turn starts running/waddeling away laughing. And of course everyone in the store is laughing too. I grab him, yanking his pants up and picking him up at the same time and rush to the bathroom. We get in there and I get him settled on the pot and say "o.k. buddy, there ya go."

I waited a few minutes and I said "are you o.k.? Are you done?"
Chance: "Yeah"
Me: "Did you go"
Chance: "No, I don't have to go no more."
Me: "Huh"?
Chance: "It went away".
Me: "It went away?
Chance: "Yeah"
Me: "Where did it go?"
Chance: "I don't know, it went away."

Just them it sinks in and I go from calm to panic mode in about .2 seconds. If it isn't in here then it HAD to be......OUT THERE. Terror ripped through me as I thought the unthinkable. Chance had laid..pipe.. in the dining area of Braums. Thoughts and images were running through my head imagining this dooky laying in the middle of the floor, in the middle if Braums, during rush hour.

I sit him back on the toilet and said "I'll be back". Images came to mind of me being Arnold Schwarzenegger playing a turd seeking Tterminator.

I walked out of the bathroom, trying to act all nonchalant like, casually scoping out the floor of Braums, making my way to the front of the store. There wasn't a person in the store that wasn't looking me. My nonchalantness must have needed work because before I knew it every person in the store was looking on the floor with mixed looks of humor and fear on their face. Everyone was whispering as I walked back through the store, this time checking a little closer under the tables just in case the wayward turd decided to seek shelter under one of the tables or worse yet, the bottom of someones shoe. Luckily, I didn't see anything

I headed back to the bathroom still checking out the floor knowing that at any minute I would find Mr. Dooky peeking out from under someones table. I made it back to the bathroom without seeing anything and as I opened up the door to the bathroom, Chance declared "DAAADDDYYYYY.....I WENT PPPOOOPPPOOOOO!!!!.

The entire store erupted into laughter and giant sigh of relief.

I got Chance taken care of, got him dressed and we walked out into the store to cheers and applause. It was unbelievable. We walked through the store, Chance was cheesing it up, people were laughing and cheering him on and you would have thought that he just scored the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. I don't know if they were cheers of joy, relief, or the fact that it was just so damn cute, but they cheered him on.

I went back to the counter, paid for my milk, and we walked out with people still clapping and laughing.


  1. That blog made my day. I sat here a work and cackled! What an awesome story!!!!!

  2. I LOVED IT!!! Welcome to the blog world!! You are doing an awesome job!

  3. Chance isn't going to know what hit him the next time I see him........